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Back To School Tip – Making Friends At School
How to Help Your Child Make Friends at School: 10 Back-to-School Friendship Tips
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Going back to school can be exciting, but for kids who have a hard time making friends, the start of a new school year can also feel overwhelming.
Whether your child is starting at a new school, moving into middle or high school, or simply struggling to find their group, making friends doesn’t always come naturally. Even outgoing kids can feel nervous about walking into a new classroom, sitting with unfamiliar people at lunch, or figuring out where they fit in.
The good news? Making friends at school is a skill kids can learn and practice.
Parents can’t make friends for their children, but we can give them the confidence and tools they need to start conversations, recognize healthy friendships, and find people with whom they genuinely connect.
Here are 10 simple ways to help your child make friends at school this year.
1. Encourage Them to Make the First Move
One of the hardest parts of making new friends at school is simply starting a conversation.
Encourage your child to take small chances: smile at someone, say hello, introduce themselves, ask if they can sit nearby at lunch, or start a conversation about something happening in class.
They don’t need a perfect opening line. Something as simple as, “What did you think of that assignment?” or “I like your backpack!” can get a conversation started.
Remind them that plenty of other kids are hoping someone will talk to them, too. Being the person willing to say hello first can make all the difference.
2. Teach Easy Conversation Starters
Kids sometimes know they want to make friends but have absolutely no idea what to say.
Help them practice a few easy conversation starters at home:
- “What do you like to do after school?”
- “Have you had this teacher before?”
- “What games do you play?”
- “What did you do this summer?”
- “Do you want to sit together at lunch?”
- “Are you going to the game/activity/event?”
The goal isn’t to give your child a script they have to follow. It’s simply to make starting a conversation feel less intimidating.
3. Look for Common Interests
Friendships often begin when kids discover something they have in common.
Sports, music, books, gaming, art, animals, movies, dance, theater, fashion, science and countless other interests can give kids an instant connection.
Encourage your child to pay attention when classmates talk about things they enjoy. Finding one shared interest can turn an awkward conversation into an easy one.
4. Join Clubs, Sports and Extracurricular Activities
One of the easiest ways for kids to make friends at school is to spend time with people who already share their interests.
Encourage your child to try a club, sport, student organization, music group, theater program or other extracurricular activity.
This can be especially helpful for a child who is shy or having trouble making friends at school because the activity itself gives everyone something to talk about.
And don’t assume your child has to be athletic. Schools may offer everything from robotics and chess to drama, art, gaming, volunteering and student leadership.
The goal is to find their people, not necessarily the most popular activity.
5. Encourage Kindness and Inclusivity
Kindness still goes a remarkably long way.
Encourage your child to notice the people around them. Is someone sitting alone? Does a new student look nervous? Is there someone who isn’t being included?
A simple invitation — “Do you want to sit with us?” — can mean far more than your child realizes.
Children should also understand that someone’s clothing, appearance, family circumstances, abilities or social status don’t tell us whether that person could become a wonderful friend.
Teaching children not to judge others doesn’t just help them make more friends. It helps them become better friends themselves.
6. Give Genuine Compliments
A sincere compliment is one of the simplest ways to break the ice.
“I love your shoes.”
“You’re really good at drawing.”
“Your presentation was awesome.”
Small positive interactions make people feel noticed and can naturally lead to conversation. Teach your child to look for things they genuinely appreciate rather than giving compliments simply to get someone to like them.
7. Teach Them How to Be a Good Friend
When we’re worried about whether our children are making friends, it’s easy to focus entirely on whether other kids like them.
But friendship goes both ways.
Talk about what being a good friend actually looks like: listening, keeping promises, respecting boundaries, celebrating someone else’s successes, apologizing when you’ve hurt someone and being there when a friend needs support.
Just as importantly, teach your child that being a good friend doesn’t mean allowing someone to take advantage of them.
Healthy friendships should feel mutual.
8. Help Your Child Recognize Unhealthy Friendships
Not every friendship is a good friendship.
If someone only talks to your child when they want something, constantly puts them down, pressures them to do things that make them uncomfortable, deliberately excludes them or repeatedly creates drama, your child doesn’t have to keep chasing that person’s approval.
This is an important distinction, especially for kids who desperately want to fit in.
The goal isn’t simply to make more friends at school. It’s to build healthy friendships with people who treat them with kindness and respect.
9. Don’t Put Too Much Pressure on Them
If your child comes home and says, “I don’t have any friends,” the instinct may be to immediately start offering solutions.
Sometimes they need you to listen first.
Ask questions such as, “What happened today?” or “When do you feel the most alone at school?”
You may discover that lunch is difficult, they don’t know how to join an established group, their best friend was placed in another class, or they’re worried about being rejected.
Once you understand the actual problem, you can help them come up with one manageable thing to try the next day.
10. Remind Them That One Good Friend Is Enough
Kids can get the impression that being happy at school requires having a huge circle of friends. Social media certainly doesn’t help.
But friendship isn’t a popularity contest.
One or two genuine friendships can be far more meaningful than belonging to a large group where your child never feels completely comfortable.
Encourage your child to look for people who make them feel safe, accepted and able to be themselves.
What If Your Child Still Can’t Make Friends at School?
If your child has been trying but continues to feel lonely, don’t dismiss it as something they’ll simply “get over.”
Talk with their teacher, counselor or another trusted adult at school. Teachers often see social dynamics parents can’t see and may be able to help create natural opportunities for your child to connect with classmates.
For example, a teacher might pair children with similar interests on a project or suggest a club that would be a particularly good fit.
If your child is being bullied, deliberately excluded or becoming increasingly distressed about attending school, that’s also something worth addressing directly rather than expecting them to handle it alone.
Helping Kids Make Friends Starts With Confidence
Learning how to make friends at school isn’t about becoming the most outgoing or popular kid in the classroom. It’s about having enough confidence to reach out, enough kindness to include others and enough self-respect to recognize which friendships are worth keeping.
As the new school year begins, remind your child that almost everyone feels uncertain about fitting in sometimes — even the kids who seem completely confident.
Encourage them to take one small social chance at a time.
Say hello. Sit somewhere new. Join the club. Give the compliment. Invite someone to hang out.
One small conversation could be the beginning of a wonderful friendship.
